We have all heard it said before, you have to be okay single before you can be okay in a relationship. As strange as it sounds, it tends to be the truth. If you don’t know you are as an individual, how can you keep from losing yourself as a couple? Knowing who you are can mean the difference between relationship success and relationship failure.

Self-awareness seems like a simple concept, being aware of myself, but there is actually a little more to it than that. Self-awareness is gaining an understanding in why we feel the way we do and behave the way we do. Being aware of these things gives you the chance to change things you don’t like about yourself and build the type of existence you really want. It can take some time to really understand why you feel a certain way about things or act a certain way at times, but once you really understand yourself you become a stronger person. Think about it this way, every time you come home from work you are bombarded at the door with questions and demands for dinner. You end up fighting with your spouse, partner, and/or kids and the rest of the evening is a nightmare. Take some time to process these events; maybe you need 10-20 minutes to get in the house, relax, breathe, and get out of your work clothes.  Make the changes by telling your partner to give you 20 minutes each night after work to wind-down. You may find that you actually enjoy coming home and spending the evening together. It is all about self-awareness and taking time to learn about you.

Learning about yourself will make you stronger in relationships. Learning your own likes and dislikes makes telling your partner those things easy. It is hard to find relationship success with someone who never knows what they want. It can also be hard in relationships to love someone who has no self-love. Self-love doesn’t have to be an arrogant thing; it is loving all those things you find out about yourself. Take time to get to know yourself, and then fall in love with the person you are and the person you are becoming. Self-love is positive and helps you become more self-aware, so you can find more things to love. It is much easier to love someone who loves themselves and isn’t relying on you for their self-esteem. We like to surround ourselves with positive people, and those with self-love are generally positive.

It is okay to take some time to yourself and be a little selfish every once in awhile. It is hard to learn about yourself with people constantly around you. Find solitude in nature and spend a day alone, reflect on the things you really do enjoy and voice it to your partner. Maybe you really don’t like cooking every single night, say it. Love the fact that you do not enjoy spending time in the kitchen. Relationship success is not based on the perception of others, but the ability to communicate, love each other, and love yourself.