New relationships are great. You are getting to know the other person, you’re going out on dates, and you laugh and joke around. It is all fun, all play and no work, it’s new and fun and it’s just the way you believe it will be forever. That is not the case though, once the newness wears off real life begins.

Everyone goes through tough times and when you are part of a couple your stress may be mutual. Stress happens because life happens and some things are out of our control. When the tough times come, the relationship will either grow stronger or grow apart. It is possible to keep love alive and pull together when the hard times come. There is no need to add additional stress to the relationship. Relationships are full of giving and taking and mutual respect for each other.

There are a few steps to take to get you and your loved one through the tough times. One thing to remember is that those things that are out our control can’t be changed no matter what. There are times when we have to except things for the way they are. For instance, if you have a nice picnic in the park planned and then it rains, it can be frustrating and disappointing but it can’t be changed. You can, however, move your picnic to the living room floor, or to a covered picnic area in the park. Stress happens when we try too hard to control things that are out of our control. Stress also happens when too many things are expected of us and we feel overwhelmed.

Hard times can be anything from a death in the family to a heated argument. These days financial difficulties seem to be the number one reciprocal stressor. Worry is an emotion that should be avoided. It’s hard not to worry about how to put food on the table or where the rent money is going to come from, but worry will only add more stress to the situation. Mutual solutions are the best solutions and allow you both to practice giving, taking, and compromising. Take the time to talk with your partner and come up with solutions, even if they are only temporary. True you may not solve every problem, but worrying only adds more problems.

Be patient with one another. Stress leads to frustration and we tend to lash out at those closest to us. Understand you’re both having reciprocal feelings about the current situation. Support one another, when one of you becomes frustrated allow that person to vent and just listen to them by putting your own feelings aside for awhile. Giving your time, understanding, and patience to your partner will keep you close and put many arguments at bay.

Be forgiving of one another. We all say things out of anger that we don’t really mean. When things turn from good to bad, humans tend to turn against the ones they love the most. It’s okay to feel hurt, that will happen, but when your partner is genuinely sorry it’s time to forgive and move on. Resentment will destroy a relationship faster than anything else.

Tough times are going to come, but they don’t have to destroy a relationship. For a partnership to last, both people need to give and take. Talk to each other; don’t shut the other person out. Work on mutual solutions to strengthen your relationship. The harder you work together through the hard times, the stronger your relationship will be in the long run.