A: Greetings,

I'll give it to you straight. Sistah, you are trippin! You are trippin on several different levels.

Well first is the desire to have someone do something for you...Not just the desire but the expectation... this does three things, one it is a window into your personality, two it puts you on a Wolf's menu, and three it gives you a false sense of control.

I know we are in an age where romantic relationships are filled with disappointment and a woman feels like, since she can't get the respect and companionship she needs, then she has to expect something material ... sort of like, "Well I've got to get something out of this". (Don't trip, it's the same for men but they expect sex). But we also fail to see our own behaviors as the cause for some of these problems. Like for instance, the fact that you expect someone to do something for you, before you will sleep with them will attract certain types of men, most of who you will not want in your life. Sorta like the woman who always wants to be with married men and then gets upset in the rare event that he actually leaves his wife to be with her, just to have him cheat on her too.

If you are uncomfortable with just giving it up when you like someone, then wait until you are on a deeper level with that person. If they are unwilling to wait, show them the door...

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for healthy, no strings attached sexual encounters where both people are free to enjoy each other, but what you are talking about is a business proposition... It has little to do with uninhibited free sex or sex to show love and caring for someone else... I'm not saying anything is right or wrong, just for you to call it what it is and then you can understand what you are actually doing and the message you are sending. You can't control other people's reaction to your message but you damn well better know and understand what message you are sending. You are responsible for that. *Smile*

If you care that these men are nice and you obviously find them sexually attractive, then why do you need something from them to enjoy that? That's something you should be asking yourself. If you find that you don't need it and that it's simply something that you want because that's how you are, then be prepared to live that lifestyle and all that comes with it. Don't expect people to be so clueless that they won't see what you want for what it is...

If the men had any self-esteem, they wouldn't resort to calling you anything, they would just move on to find a woman who can appreciate their friendship and who feels mutual about developing a sexual and/or deeper relationship that they don't have to "pay for".

One of the biggest problems with dealing with other people that we have in our society is the inability to move on from each other when we need to. We resort to name calling and all out trying to force each other to behave and feel the way we want them to.

Sincerely,
Tressa!