A: Greetings,

First, your feelings about this woman are not wrong or dirty in any way, shape or form. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to another adult. It doesn't matter if it's the same sex.

Second, is your husband homophobic? If so, it is understandable that your feel like you can't tell him about your feelings. The reality is, it is often not the best idea or even safe to share things like that with people you know to have certain feelings towards same sex attraction. However, it also doesn't mean your relationship with your husband is flawed. A lot of people are a work in progress. And we all have one or two things we need to work on. So if your husband has issues with this subject, he may be like so many others we encounter, holding on to silly notions about gender and sexuality. It is unfortunate for you in this situation when you would like to discuss this issue with him.

If you have no idea how he would react to something like this. Bring up the subject in a safe way. Ask him what he thinks of it or bring the subject up in a way that is not personal to you.

Don't expect your attraction to this woman to go away and also realize it may also happen again with another woman. So many people feel that because they are attracted to someone else it means they have to figure out a way to act on it. But you have to figure out what is best for you and your loved ones.

Your challenge: To pay more attention to who you are and love who you are and every knew thing you discover about yourself. Your attraction to women was something you didn't know about. Now you know that you are attracted to both men and women. So love that part of yourself as you would any other part and understand that part of yourself as you would any other part.

And also understand that because you have this new knowledge of self you can either accept it and enjoy appreciating women in that way, or you can try to fight and ignore it which will only lead to depression and misery. And again, you don't have to act on your attractions any more than you would if you were attracted to another guy while you were married. It's always a nice perk for some people if they can make an arrangement with their husbands but it's dangerous ground for many couples.

Now, it may be a good idea to look for some bisexual female friends or groups where you can get a bigger picture of what others have gone through or experienced ... or just find a safe space for you to talk about how fine a woman is/was. *Smile*

Sincerely,
Tressa!